http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703899704576204580623018562.html?mod=WSJ_hp_mostpop_read
My article mainly focuses on how teenage girls dress these days but does it from the perspective of older women in terms of how they see this younger generation. The mothers struggle with wanting to be able to give their daughters all that they want but not being comfortable doing so when it comes to allowing them to dress in certain ways. They want their daughters to fit in and not be ostracized because they are not allowed to dress the same way as their peers, but even so these mothers don't want to see their daughters dress in a way that strips them of their dignity.
My 14-year-old sister's friends are in this same position and some of them mirror the girls in this article from the Wall Street Journal. This issue of how to dress and body image is still very prevalent with teenagers, and I'm not sure that anyone has really come up with the best way to address this.
What would you do if you were a mother or a sister in this position, trying to mentor a young teenage girl? How can you be sure you are doing the right thing?
Sarah, I saw this article in the WSJ too and while reading it I relived memories of my daughter’s teen years. As one of the ‘older generation’ of mothers, (BTW when did I slip into THAT category? must have been when all those birthdays were flying by...), anyway, I have wrestled firsthand with the issue of passing the torch of feminine values to the next generation. I can say it’s a slippery slope to travel but personally I found moderation to be the key. Setting boundaries and limits isn’t fun but it’s valuable and it starts at home. Studies have shown that the most influential actors in a child’s life are the parents. During the teen years, it can seem like your child has been abducted by an alien species, but she will still look to her parent as her ultimate guide. (How many times do you subconsciously hear your mother’s voice when making decisions?) What you do and what you say as a parent really does affect your child. As an older sister, you are an extension of your parents and are a powerful influence on your sister.
ReplyDeleteSetting boundaries and limits regarding dress codes, dating, and curfews may not make you the most popular parent but it can also give your teen ‘an out’ to use as an excuse - the old “my mom and dad won’t let me.” As I watched my daughter navigate the halls of a large public high school, I found her making choices based on values not looks. The girls she chose as friends all had something more than just appearance going for them - they were smart scholars, they were talented athletes, they were creative artists. They dressed to please themselves not to attract attention. Meeting their parents, I was drawn to the same characteristics in them, I liked the parents because they were interesting not because they lived in a certain neighborhood or drove a certain car. Not to sound too preachy but valuing substance over style opens up a whole world of options.
I think the most important message we can send to the next generation is that intelligence, strength, character, and compassion are so much more valuable than fashion. Wearing the ‘in’ clothes with the ‘in’ kids doesn’t lead to happiness.
Disclaimer: Even though I set boundaries for my daughter, I don’t want to sound draconian... Moderation, remember? So things like no spaghetti strap tops at school or church, shorts and skirts should be finger-tip length (although it was amazing how short she could make her arms :), 12:30PM curfew - and a constant give and take discussion of the issues.